


You Had A Heart You Hadn't Felt

by tangledinfairylights



Category: Hermitcraft RPF
Genre: confusion over romance, for all you aces and aros, vent - Freeform, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-30
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27793117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangledinfairylights/pseuds/tangledinfairylights
Summary: Rendog seemed to see love everywhere.From the famous couples of Hermitcraft bantering around town, to the indescribable beauty of every aspect of his life... everything, everything's beautiful through his eyes, everything making him fall in love with a little bit of every element in life.He had always put his heart on his sleeve. Always so affectionate, loving, flirty, even — to everyone. It’s easy, really easy to spread love, when love’s all you see in this world.Typing out the less than symbol, followed by a three, was muscle memory to him, as were compliments after compliments, encouragements after encouragements that he shared with his beloved friends on the daily.Ren had always been there to accept love.
Relationships: RenDog & Iskall85, rendog/Steffen Mossner | Docm77
Comments: 19
Kudos: 75





	You Had A Heart You Hadn't Felt

**Author's Note:**

> a ventfic about me, my exes, and figuring out my aromanticism

God, sometimes Ren felt like it must have been nice to have someone.

Well, it’s not like everyone on Hermitcraft walked around with a lover in tow. Everyone fairly kept to themselves, hence their nickname by the outsiders — they act like hermits — but certain moments just send Ren the urges to claw on a pillow and scream out loud in frustration.

Stupid frustration. 

Everyone else spent their time worrying over a new update ruining their artfully-created redstone masterpieces or the rain turning the gorgeous Shopping District to a slipping hazard or the amount of eyebags under that hardworking Xisuma’s eyes (twenty-six, as Keralis last reported to the group). 

There’s so many things in this world worth worrying over, like, oh, Ren didn’t know, _the Emperor trying to brainwash him every waking moment_ , perhaps?

So why was romance Ren’s main worry?

It’s not like he had anything to worry about. Come on, look at him! He’s gorgeous — silky brown locks and, okay, maybe a _slightly_ sunburnt skin, but that showcased experience, baby — he’d had a taste of the highs and lows of the world. Ideal height, ideal weight, ideal body shape — _abs, even_ — Ren thought, laughing to himself.

It’s not that he’s vain.

This was the only way he could understand love. To constantly shove compliments down his very own throat, forcing himself to accept each and every single one of them — so what if people think he’s vain? It’s not like... it’s not like he had _anyone else_ to love him, so he took matters to his own hands.

Funnily enough, Ren seemed to see love _everywhere else_. 

* * *

Ren couldn’t help but smirk as Grian said a lovely _bye_ to the phone, smiling like a lovestruck idiot once the call died with a _click_. 

“Taurtis, huh?”

“Yeah.” Grian continued walking, a significant bounce within every step that wasn’t there before the call. “He’s visiting again next week from that riverside kingdom. It’s going to be fun.”

* * *

“Hold up, Ren.” Doc opened the shutters. “What do you want, ass?!”

“Did you sleep on my bed?!” a lisping yell as loud as Doc’s returned from outside. “Give it back! The sun is setting!”

“Kiss me.” 

Ren tried his hardest not to groan or laugh. He grabbed a pillow to cover his ears, an attempt that didn’t help much — he could still hear Doc and Bdubs argue over how Bdubs can’t reach Doc’s lips or whatever. 

“Bye!”

Doc returned, sitting back down with a sigh. “ _The thun is thetting_ ,” he muttered. “Anyway, hi, Ren.”

* * *

“Are you sure you’re up for the job, Impulse?” Grian straightened his reading glasses, squinting at Etho’s job description notes. “You’ve infiltrated the HEP once. Would xB or Stress maybe—“

“No, I’m okay,” Impulse assured. Ren watched his friend curiously. Everyone knew Impulse had a smiling voice, yet, this time it’s a _lot_ more prominent. 

“I’m okay, really," he smiled. "Anything with the HEP, I’m up for it.”

* * *

Now, those were the conventional concepts of love — _romance_ , and while Ren’s used to its presence, it’s not the only form of love he saw in this world.

He’s talking about... the shine in Bdubs’s eyes whenever he saw something of a beautiful colour palette. The way the right-hand corner of Doc’s lips curled up when he finished yet another gigantic project. The slight twitch in TFC’s beard when he passed by his little pyromaniac prodigy’s Toon Towers base on his way home. The little swing in Keralis and Cleo’s legs, as they sat above one of K-City’s cranes, talking animatedly about armour stands and French cuisine. 

Love seemed to hit him from every angle — _dang it, why was he fated to be such a hopeless romantic?_ Through his eyes (and blue sunglasses), the world seemed beautiful, gorgeous, _amazing_. The world was _full_ of love and he’s able to see it from every aspect. 

The Mycelium Resistance loved the organic, comforting feel of mycelium strings around them, the way their heart beat faster upon another Emergency — and the mooshrooms — his beloved Pamela, everything the Resistance stood for, that was love for him.

And the HEP loved the thrilling taste of MooPOP stinging their tongues, the fresh scent of cut grass — of rough tree barks and the sleek, shiny, polished concrete of their base. Ren failed to understand it, but he knew love when he saw one.

So it’s never that he needed to find love.

He only needed someone to find love in him.

Like, it didn’t matter how he saw the world — with everyone around him looking so in love, especially those with their respected lovers, it wasn’t a surprise Ren craved some of it himself. 

To have someone to spend the night with, muttering sweet nothings as they dozed off to sleep. Or to have someone to come home to after finishing the biggest project, knowing a hug and an _I’m proud of you_ had been guaranteed. Or — really, just someone to drink tea with and laugh, that’s enough.

* * *

And it’s not like Ren never tried.

With Iskall — he thought _that_ was love. He loved how his shoulders would shake when he laughed that booming laugh of his, loved the way he muttered in Swedish when his prosthetic eye faced issues, loved how he’s always so full of energy, so _protective_ over those he cherished, bringing smile to everyone’s faces with every second spent with Iskall.

But alas... “my brother” changed to “my love” and Ren knew at once this would not work out.

You’d think that it was perfect. Best friends since even before Hermitcraft, sticking together every second spent that they actually called themselves Renskall instead of their own names. _Inseparable._

Maybe they were too close.

Too close, that each attempt of “I love you” felt fake. Each embrace felt awkward, each kiss never making it outside of Ren’s imagination. They’re destined to be friends, best friends, maybe — but never lovers. 

* * *

And then Doc came, and, man, they went through a _lot_ together — especially since him and Iskall drifted apart, not to mention how he was the main soldier of the opposite team at their Civil War. Iskall was Grian’s right-hand-man, and Ren was Doc’s.

Now, Doc managed to be everything Iskall wasn’t, which gave him some hope — Iskall could _never_ be romantic to Ren, for the life of him, but Doc was always so... _sweet_ , you’d never expect it from his facade of brooding, emotionless persona.

Stolen kisses with the cries of ghasts being their back-singer, slipping off to the other’s bunk in the barracks, promises that _when all this is over, we’ll rule the world once more with our stock exchange_ , and for a while, it truly felt like Doc loved him.

He would shower Ren with compliments, knowing every surface of him he’s insecure with and making him smile again — _gentle_ , always so gentle beneath all his drill-sergeant tendencies. His eyes would shine whenever he teased Ren at Team STAR meetings, reminding him that he _belonged_ to Doc even when everyone else was around.

But that wasn’t what Ren seemed to look for, either.

Doc... he was romantic, maybe _too_ romantic. As times passed, each kiss felt more of a chore, each sweet nothings turned its emphasis from _sweet_ to _nothing,_ and Ren could never tell Doc, but he felt as if Doc never cared for what he had to say — he’s listening to his voice and never his words.

As if he’s just using him as something to fill his heart with while his true love’s away, somewhere at the sky, not yet falling down.

* * *

Two experiments wouldn’t make enough data, people say — and by people he definitely meant that genius scientist and researcher, Zedaph — but Ren knew. He knew, deep down inside of him, that, despite it all, he never seemed to understand love, and he never will.

He had always put his heart on his sleeve. Always so affectionate, loving, flirty, even — to everyone. It’s easy, really easy to spread love, when love’s all you see in this world.

Typing out the less than symbol, followed by a three, was muscle memory to him, as were compliments after compliments, encouragements after encouragements that he shared with his beloved friends on the daily.

He had always put his heart on his sleeve.

But... no one had ever bothered to take good care of it.


End file.
